Why do I keep doing this to myself? – 11/29/2018

WARNING PREACHY…

 

Have you ever asked yourself, "Why do I keep doing this to myself?"  Whether you wake up in the morning with a raging hangover and suffer the headache, you always seem to overdraw your bank account and incur the unnecessary fees, or you find yourself with the wrong guy or gal 'yet again' and suffering heartache; you recognize your pattern of self-harm and wonder why you keep doing this to yourself.

Is it even possible to break the pattern that you seem to be stuck in?

I've been there.  Actually I'm there a lot. Many years ago it was one self-destructive pattern after another and today it's still another.  I used to think it was just a matter of repenting from my sin and by sheer force of will (which I did/do not have) stop doing that thing that I do; but not anymore.  Today I know that I am helpless to break the harmful patterns of my own will, and I am dependent upon God to break the patterns in me by little individual miraculous interventions.

Here's a dumb one. 

I love donuts.  No seriously, I LOVE them.  My downfall is that I cannot seem to pass them up.  When I go to the grocery store I have to get a Boston Crème and an Apple Fritter, when I pass by the donut shop I have to stop for a Boston Crème and an Apple Fritter, and when I go to the gas station I have to get a, can you guess it? A Raspberry/Creme Cheese Hostess what-ever-you-call-it and a package of powdered donuts.  (What?  Gas stations don't generally have Boston Crèmes and Fritters).  Do you see the pattern and understand the destructiveness of it?  While this is a dumb example I have plenty of serious ones that I'm not willing to share in this post - but I assure you, they're there.

When I recognize a destructive pattern in my life I generally feel terrible.  I realize I am weak, I'm sinful, I'm useless, I'm a terrible person, I'm not worthy to be loved, and the self-deprecation goes on.  But then, because I am in a relationship with Jesus I begin to hear the words of encouragement from Him that begins to break the spiral of an all-out self-pity loathing session.  Jesus doesn’t argue the fact that I'm all those self-deprecating things because I am,  but rather he lets me see that He loves me and will get me through it (whatever "it" is) anyway. He reminds me that "Yet while I was still a sinner that he died for me."  (Romans 5:8) and that I'm not alone in the battle.  That He can, and does, cause me to see the battle from a different perspective and show me ways of avoiding the dreaded traps that so easily ensnare me.

Does this mean that passing-up the donuts is easy?  No, like I said I LOVE donuts.  But what it does mean is that in my heart of hearts Jesus shows me the escape hatches and gives me a real option for a new choice so I don't have to keep asking myself "why do I keep doing myself?"

If you find yourself asking that question of yourself and need some help with your relationship with Jesus, please call on me, I would love to introduce you to the one who loves you more than you actually love yourself.  

Best!